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If you’re the recipient of invalidating messages, know this: YOU’RE NOT CRAZY!

Anywhere you look for relationship advice, you'll hear that communication is the key to a successful relationship. And this all goes without saying that not caring about your feelings is incredibly cold and callous. We do have control over our emotions to some extent, but always claiming you're too sensitive every time you get upset just invalidates any unhappiness you might have.

When your partner is shutting down your ability to communicate — turning your relationship into a one-sided conversation — they're killing any chance the two of you have at making it. And then, since you're "not really unhappy, just being sensitive," there's no need to talk about why you're unhappy.

However, invalidation can also be accomplished by verbal manipulations that invalidate in ways both subtle and confusing.” This post will discuss two aspects of invalidation that Dr. The first involves the relationship between the concept of invalidation and a similar concept from family systems pioneer Paul Watzlawick that he called . When I first read Linehan, I thought of a similar concept that I had read about in a classic book in family systems theory by Watzlawick, Beavin, and Jackson first published way back in 1967 called .Worse, if we are in a deeply emotional experience, we are called irrational, crazy, menstrual, bitchy and worse. Second, if he has emotions, he has to stuff them if he wants to be loved.The effect is to deny us that which makes us human. Once you become aware of it, you will see it between parents and even very small children, between friends, at the dinner table, at parties and at work. Third, if he wants to be tough and strong like Dad, he can’t allow himself to feel anything. Assuming the lesson has been repeated over and over, what kind of relationship training does that young man have for dealing with emotionality of his first relationships with a girl None, of course. Validation is a critical communication tool and expression of love and acceptance in relationships. What’s scary, it can be one of the most subtle and inadvertent abuses. Conversely, invalidation is one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse.

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Through a simple "Oh, grow up," or a "Stop being a baby," your partner is rejecting the validity of your emotions.

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